it has been awhile since my last time blogging, isn’t it?
I had so much in my mind, but somehow always found impossible to write them down.
I guess I’ve become afraid of that people can read what I speak out. I guess I’m afraid of that people can further relate those to something else I didn’t mean.
I guess I’m turning slowly into an ordinary grownup.
and that’s frightening, I guess.
We are all ordinary. I’m totally ordinary. There shouldn’t be anything to be frightening about…
still, there is a voice inside of me screaming NOoooo…
The other night, sobbing and drowning in my own tears, I asked out: “Do you know what women hate the most?” Silent. “That’s the other women” – I had to reply myself.
I cannot find a way to fit in their common world. I often feel myself too awkward too bulky to be “there”. I missed how it’s easier when I was smaller. Actually I was mostly playing with the boys back then. Simple – that’s how my universe used to be.
oh then I missed my girls. Those particular girls that I was fortunate enough to get close to them. It is always so beautiful to be around them…
I guess they’re lonesome just like me, that kind of lonesomeness bothers me sometimes. My girls, they seem fine with theirs, but I don’t know. I don’t think anyone can get along with that kind of feeling all the time, even they may live with it.
No matter how tough you act and give an I-don’t-care face, or how many millions times you whisper to yourself “It’s alright, there’s no big deal”, it is still pretty painful to be disliked, isn’t it?
there are some roles you have to take and accept to be disliked from the first place. No matter what you do, there’re only 2 options out there: being less or more disliked. Ha!
Welcome, welcome little one, to the big world!